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As I slipped under the covers I remembered what I forgot - the Black Hole. There it was, pulling me in. Telling me things like, "Wine Guy is tired of you," "He's enjoying a break from you with his friends and probably will want to see less of you," "He decided he's had enough and will never call you again."

I know these thoughts sound ridiculous and hysterical. I would have agreed with you three years ago. But that's why Naval A-Hole is so "special." His actions took paranoia and distrust to a whole new level for me - he made them reality. You know that expression, "Just because you're paranoid doesn't mean they're not out to get you." That pretty much sums it up for me.

But this time the Black Hole felt different. It wasn't as well-worn and comfy as it had been in the past. In fact, it felt cold and distant and, well, untrue. Then it hit me - this thing feels so awkward because it's been gone awhile - weeks, maybe even a month or two. Besides being engrossed in healing from my surgery, I'd also been completely immersed in Wine Guy's caring for me. Every day I became more trusting and accepting of his love for me. I had started to believe that he would actually stay. If you recall, I covered this in my last entry titled Falling in Trust.

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Last-modified: 2020-10-09 (金) 00:42:17 (20d)