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Zachary Simon (@ZJSimon) July 29, 2011 at 7:51 am Reply I only take issue with this statement: No one judges a man’s ability to be a “good” partner or parent based on the number of sexual partners he’s had. And only partially. Men definitely assume that, between two men of similar age, the one with 20 partners is a better *sexual* partner than the one with 5. Even if women don’t, men assume they must. This is likely because, while women have a double standard, men have a sort of catch 22. Women like confidence and nothing builds confidence like experience so to get confidence you need experience, but to get experience you need confidence etc. I blame unavoidable biological differences and antiquated social expectations more than one gender over the other, but for every woman who cringes at the term 'loose' there is a man who (secretly, because saying 'that hurts' does not convey confidence) does the same at the term 'limp,' to say nothing of 'small'. Do you think making 'promiscuous' more neutral would necessarily require we do the same to words like 'clumsy' or 'insecure'?
marrie July 29, 2011 at 9:35 am Reply I agree that "unavoidable biological differences and antiquated social expectations" are at the root of this issue. I also agree that men, by genetic design, are competitive and communicate sexual experiences as conquests when conversing with other men. This social expectation is undeniable and I doubt will ever disappear. The issue is that so many men still view women as asexual creatures, until a women is with them...then they are expected to be sexual goddesses. It's not the term or word {i.e. promiscuous} used to define a woman that is required to change, it's the general attitude or perception that needs to change.
ZJSimon July 31, 2011 at 12:28 am Reply Sexual Goddesses to worship, or sexual Nymphs to capture? Digging below confidence from experience we find (and I acknowledge, fem positive as I am) confidence from dominance. This is perhaps where the hostility germinates, not just in double standards but in desires deferred; dominant/submissive types who are not into s&m cliches or white bread norms but still want to have a master and servant relationship. Unfortunately neither gender can express this well because neither can tell from a glance who will be receptive to it, much less receptive to it from them. Maybe asking for all this disclosure is less romantic, but at least it could be marketed as more 'intimate' right?
