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I'm not the one abused. Josh is. He has suffered monetary outlays and a reduced sense of self. I am very head strong. But Josh can be absolutely firm in preserving our resources if I let him, even at the risk of upsetting others. I cannot. Had Josh been here I would still have a car. And between us we would have two. Now we will juggle one until more money is shelled out to replace mine. We would have fought over my son's request. Maybe I might let Josh have the final say, more likely not. It would end up going to some extreme where he's out the door, then after the fact he bails me out. This is just one small example of a dynamic of pushing my way that has occured again and again. We fight over the kids. He wants me to be firm and I'm not, then I complain when they roll right over me. Oh there are more examples. I could go on... This is the kind of thing I'm talking about.

I'm not talking about a grovelling relationship. At the very least a 50/50 one. That's something I've never submitted to. Fear of any control, by anyone.

In our marriage I'm not having a 50/50 in the areas where he's most responsible. I'm giving that to him. I love him enough that if we're shakened I want him to stop it if he sees it. He's hard where I'm not, and together we're one and because of that I can be soft. He's going to come back to a woman who can actually be a wife. Because for the first time I'm actually seeing how our opposing sides can come together as one. I don't think I''m wrong in my thinking now, but perhaps I fail to explain it well. This a public forum, and it's hard to admit being the bad guy. I was.

Like I said I was the nightmare wife or girlfriend that some of the men here may have known.

We've both admitted error now. I never admitted error before in our 8 year relationship. I was admitting error for the first time ever in my first post here. An 8 year build up of regrets now made clear. If anything, what kind of woman would ask a man to endure all of that? What kind of man would, except for the kind you can expect to have for a life02:04:29


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Last-modified: 2021-12-09 (木) 02:04:29 (863d)